motherhood, politics, faith & whatnot

You know that 43 Things?  Well, I finally have something that I would like to add to my list:  I want to learn Latin couples dancing, preferably with Emmitt Smith or Mario Lopez.  That is all.

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Are you on board?

Originally uploaded by Suze3000.

Gonna be posting to the old blog every day in November, except for the 4th when I’ll be out of internet range in the mountains somewhere with my other half.

An online friend at a mommieboard that I frequent just lost her mother to cancer. In honor of her mother and since so many are touched by cancer, we are in the middle of a fundraiser with all donations going to the American Cancer Society.

The goal is $500 and we have raised over $200. If you would be so kind, you may make a donation through paypal with the e-mail donations@mommiesrock.com until the end of the week. I’ll post something about the total amount raised.

On a lighter note, stop by A Very Bloggy Christmas to chat about your holiday preparations. Yes, it’s getting to be that time.

Andrew is almost 22 months old, the same age that Daniel was when Andrew was born. I can’t quite believe it and for some reason, this is the particular thing that his been sticking in my mind. I had to remind myself the other day that more important than the 22 month mark is the 24 month mark which is coming up quickly.

But this particular anniversary, if I can call it that, is making me all mopey and wistful. I’m sad because I don’t think I’ll ever have another baby. I think we are done. Having these two has totally kicked my butt. But yet, sometimes, I swear I almost ache to hold a wee one again, to smell that warm, yummy baby smell, to delight in new grins, new noises, new gestures, to have that cuddly closeness when nursing.

It seems like until you have kids, there is always something to look forward to in life. And, now what? I’ve had the kids. What’s next? Nothing seems quite as exciting right now. I guess this is a phase that I’ll move through like any other stage of life.

Cool, cloudy day. Makes we want to curl up under the covers.

Got foam balls to make giant spiders for Halloween. Hope it’s not too scary for the wee ones. I’m excited for our party. Going to make kitty litter cake and pretzel rods dipped in melted candies w/ Halloween sprinkles. Mini-pumpkins for the kids to decorate with markers, paper scraps, glitter. The favors will be little bags of candy corns with little plastic spiders in side. Now I have to figure out costumes. I was Pippy Longstocking one year. Maybe I could try that again. My favorite costume of late was something we called “Shotgun wedding”. I was pregnant, about six months, with Daniel and made wore a white t-shirt that said “bride.” I had a bouquet made of a big white ribbon and a veil. J dressed up in a flannel shirt with suspenders, a straw hat, grey beard, and a rifle. (He was supposed to be my dad and we were supposed to be looking for the groom/father of the baby.) Anyway, we thought it was funny.

Here I sit after lunch on the sofa.
Quiet. Ahhhh.
The boys are napping, hopefully.

Is there a shift, finally?
New book coming out, Tempting Faith.
Authored by David Kuo who was a part of Bush’ Office of faith-based initiative.
Says that Rove and other referred to the evangelicals as “nuts.” Yet they courted them for their votes. They’ve been used.

Another semi-quote — Bush might just be a good guy whose faith is authentic, but the assumption that he’s not going to break his word, hide his mistakes, spin the truth, i.e. do like other politicians do, would be wrong.

This is what I think that maybe I haven’t been grasping. The strong supporters of Bush think that he’s really above doing all this stuff because of faith, and can’t see that he’s a politician just like the rest of them. They have been duped. It’s kind of evil how they’ve been taken advantage of. Rove isn’t even one of them. I think I’d be suspicious of that myself.

An alternative title, “But she did.” — in reference to the title of my previous post, “The job you can’t quit.”

I had a friend who had/is having an affair and has left her husband and her two kids, who are 3 and 5, both boys. She moved out and is staying in a place that’s like a boarding house, I think. Perhaps she is looking for an apartment, I don’t really know. She goes back to take care of the boys first thing in the morning and then stays until her husband gets home from work at 4:30. She then takes off.

I’ve had such a range of feelings about this whole situation as it has unfolded at the end of the summer. She and I had often spoken about the frustrations of being a mom to two small boys. So, some of my reactions have been almost like I’m mad that she’s bailed out on me.

“Wow. Must be nice to know that at 4:30, you are off duty until the next morning.” Evenings totally free. No counting down the minutes until the kids go to bed, but also knowing that they could pop right back up after that for whatever need that was still unmet. Being a mom seems easier if I could do it like that. A nice, relaxing evening and night to myself to recharge my batteries for the next day’s shift.

Yeah, but maybe her husband was a real jerk, you say, and she had to do this to take care of herself and by taking care of herself, she’ll be a better mom to her boys.

Um, well, no. That doesn’t really seem to be the case. I’m not saying that they were completely happy in their marriage. Maybe some communication break-down, some boredom, you know, the usual garden-variety things that people go to counseling for first before totally and suddenly walking away.

As one of my friends remarked, she made a conscious choice. People make mistakes, yes, but after a certain point, if you continue to go down a path, then you are choosing that path over all others.

She will most likely lose her job over this. She’s a minister part-time at a different church. Her family goes to our church. She was a part of our church until all this came out. Now, she doesn’t come to our church. The guy she is having an affair with was also a member of our church. And was married. And has two sons. He was on this 3rd marriage. He finds them 5 years younger each time.

And there’s more.

My friend and I were in a mom’s bible study that started over the summer. Bear in mind that the affair had started and was ongoing when the Bible study started. Also in this Bible study were others, two of whom are the closest friends of the guy’s wife, her best friend, in fact. She (the best friend) would ask for prayer requests for her friend who was going through a divorce (i.e. the guys’ wife), with K sitting right there. Can you imagine what balls you must have to attend and help lead even a bible study in which the closest friends of the wife of the guy you are screwing are also in?

I just don’t get any of it. And neither do some of her older friends that she’s now blowing off because they aren’t “with the plan.”

Her husband is pissed and angry, as you can imagine. He wanted counseling. This is getting nastier and nastier, as he’s probably going for full custody of their boys. He’s a great, involved dad. We’ve grown closer to him.

She was one of the most seemingly stable people that I knew. She and I and another mom did a babysitting co-op last year, taking turns watching each other’s youngest. I have the sweetest pictures of her son playing. As it turns out, on at least one of those occasions, she could have been out screwing her guy while I was watching her kid. Nice, hunh?

Our associate pastor preached on marriage and divorce last Sunday. The reverberations from these affairs have been deep in our community. Perhaps it makes people wonder if it could happen to them. I think it makes people think about and question the rules by which they live their own lives. Hey, if somebody can so blatantly eschew these rules, then maybe why are we bothering with them. Maybe we can’t really rely on those in our lives to adhere to these rules, so why should we either? What was so special about her situation that she felt it was OK to betray everything in her life? These are all big scary questions. How could she ignore all counsel that was trying to show her the consequences of this path she has chosen?

In our bible study, the leader had us write letters to Kristen to tell her our thoughts. I never wrote one. I didn’t know what to say frankly, and knew that unless I said something that was condoning her choices, that it would fall on deaf ears. Even if I was just trying to express my own feelings and reactions, it wouldn’t be taken in and considered, so why bother? So, I didn’t.

Have you ever witnessed something like this up close? What were your reactions?

[4] Have you ever hit a deer?

Nope.

[5] Do you have to drive over a bridge to get home?

Depends which way I’m coming from. But most of the ones around here are over other highways.

[6] Who checks the mail in your house?

Sometimes, me. Sometimes, J.

[7] How many TVs are in your house?

Two.

[8] Do you know anyone with the same ring tone as you?

Nope, but it’s one of the ones which comes on the phone, so there’s bound to be somebody out there.

[9] What do you do first in the morning?

Go downstairs and pour milks and OJ.

[10] What brand is your printer?

Epson.

“I don’t think I was meant to be a mother,” I sobbed to DH on the phone today after getting frustrated with my youngest after he pulled the laundry I had just folded. I hate trying to get stuff done around the house. But I hate not getting stuff done around the house. And don’t even think I’m one of those people who has to have their house as neat as a pin — J is probably snorting in agreement right now. I’m actually a bit of a slob, but I have my limits and when I finally decide to clean or arrange or put something away, it is the greatest of offenses when said work is immediately undone by a wee one. Teaches me to leave the folded clothes within reach and turn my head. And they do know better, by the way. If they didn’t, how is that when they want to get your attention, they do the thing that is going to piss you off the most. But what can you do? *rolling eyes*

It’s a little late for that, though, isn’t it, for thinking that maybe I wasn’t cut out to be a mother. Being a mom is not exactly a job you can just quit. Unless I was planning to abandon my children or something, which of course, is not the case.

Although I don’t feel like it at times, the more balanced viewof the situation is that I’m mostly a pretty decent mom. I’m certainly not the “ideal” mom that I have emblazoned in my head to which I hold myself up to all too often. I don’t have craft projects at the ready. I get grumpy when I think about having to take the kids to the park. Hot dogs, mac-n-cheese and applesauce are quite frequently served in our house. We have many, many kids’ shows stocked in our DVR. I insist on “QUIET!” before I have my coffee.

I’ve felt compelled to write about this, just because I’m so intrigued by it. . .

there’s a guy in our church, in his 50s, I think.

He’s married, has a daughter who’s maybe ten years old.

He’s a former Catholic priest, possibly up until the time he, er, met his current wife.

It’s funny because you see people in church and you think of them as ordinary people who live fairly mundane lives, but then you find out about all their interesting backstories.

He’s just been ordained as a minister in our denomination and is now one of our associate pastors. He wears a long white robe during services, which I think may hail back to his days as a Catholic. I don’t know. I’ve never seen a Presbyterian with a floor-length white robe on, though.

Interesting, though, to me at least to think about how people got to where they are at today.